Artist statement: Open Heart

If I have to be honest with myself, I no longer wish to deny what it is my heart longs for. I spend my nights locked inside my room, dancing to the rhythm of tree’s swaying in the wind. I sneak into Farkas Hall at night while my roommate sleeps, studying how my body glistens when I move with the stage light on my back. I hide from my friends and the events they invite me to, finding my time better spent imagining myself on a stage in front of a crowd. No one knows this but myself. A part of me likes the secrecy; it's convenient. Yet, deep down I know. I am scared.

 

Why is it that I have denied myself my own expression? Why is it that I am afraid of myself? Why is it that I fear being seen? Perhaps it's because Black boys from the Southside of Atlanta aren't taught to dance in a contemporary style. Perhaps it is because I fear the judgment of my peers who will laugh at me and call me “sweet.”

 

Perhaps it's because when I dance, I have nowhere to hide. How can you when you give all of yourself to your art? Over the years, I thought I could ignore the way I felt. For me, dance was simply an escape from a world which ridicules Black men from showing any ounce of vulnerability. And so, I escaped. For hours, upon hours, upon hours. Until my escape turned into a passion. Until my escape turned into a yearning. Until my escape reflected what I saw in the mirror: A Black boy who thinks he’s beautiful when he dances. How could I punish myself for that? 
 

Everything that I have felt. The fear, anger, joy, love, heartbreak… All that I have hidden within myself over the years, culminates into my dance. It flows through my veins and compels me to move. Expression for the sake of expression. Also known as freedom. Those are the values which inform the work I aspire to make, because it takes courage to be vulnerable. It takes courage to be naked in the eyes of others. It takes courage to simply be, without thought of retribution or consequence.

 

Today, I simply wish to dance in the spotlight for all to see. Dance until the love I have for myself overpowers the fear I have of my creativity. Of my identity. I am in a fight within myself. A fight to have an open heart.